I confess the truth, I feel great repugnance; the effort I have to make in order to conquer myself is so great that the Lord alone can know the torture of my soul. But, oh holy obedience, what a powerful bond you are! You alone could win over me, and surpassing all my repugnance, almost impassable mountains, you bind me to the Will of God and of the confessor. But, please, O Holy Spouse, as great as my sacrifice is, so much help do I need; I want nothing but that You hold me in your arms and sustain me. In this way, assisted by You, I will be able to say only the truth, only for your glory, and to my confusion.
This morning, since the confessor celebrated Mass, I also received Communion. My mind was in a sea of confusion because of this obedience that the confessor gave me, to write everything that passes in my interior. As I received Jesus, I began to tell Him of my pains, especially my insufficiency, and many other things. But Jesus did not seem to care about this thing of mine, and did not answer to anything. A light came to my mind, and I said: “Who knows whether I myself am the cause for which Jesus is not showing Himself as usual.” So, with all my heart, I said to Him: “O please! My Good and my All, don’t show Yourself so indifferent with me – You make my heart split with pain. If it is because of the writing – let it be, let it be, even if it cost me the sacrifice of my life, I promise I will do it!” Then Jesus changed appearance and, all benign, He told me: "What do you fear? Have I not assisted you the other times? My Light will surround you everywhere, and so you will be able to manifest it."